Murdoch’s Soliloquy (inspired by #Shakespeare4Murdoch)

Last Saturday’s trending #Shakespeare4Murdoch hashtag sent me to Hamlet’s “to be or not to be” speech looking for a good line to pirate… but in the end the whole thing seemed to want to be included.  (Sorry this is not a review of anything in particular; Caroline is doing most of our reviews these days while I get the theatre site up and running).  Without further ado:

Murdoch’s Soliloquy

Should I stay or should I go: that is the question.
Whether ‘tis nobler for the Times to suffer
The slings and arrows of an outraged Fortune,
Or admit we never ceased the hacking
And by resigning, end it.  Resign, and rest
For once, and by a rest to say I end
The hard work, and the thousand unread emails
Still in my inbox; to be honest with you
It doesn’t sound that bad. Resign, relax.
Relax, and take up golf. Ah, that’s the prob:
For once we’ve set on golf as our next act
Now that our media life is finished (fair and square)
We’ll want to win. The way we’re wired
Makes relaxing here or there a joke at best.
Why else would I take this gig at all:
The right wing’s greed, the left’s sheer quackery
The paywall-refusing young, the libel suits,
The dreary Wapping office and the turns
Each Murdoch sibling rival wants to take
When I could be at Davos, TED, or on my couch
With a quick pinkslip? Why let this need to win
Allow the public will to set my fate,
Except the fact that it’s the only life I know
And once you’ve quit, that’s it, you’re out, it’s done
No second chance in England. So, press on.
Decide to fight the fight because I know the ring,
And not to start some other, smaller contest fresh.
I might in fact be somewhat bad at golf.
And so the simple thought of resignation
Becomes replaced instead by “close the News”
And wond’ring what the right thing might have been
Becomes a waste of time for them, and too for me.
This line of thought’s abandoned. Soft ye now!
That man Mulcaire! Glenn, on thy recordings
Be all my sins remember’d.


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